I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
