Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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