Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
