my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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