Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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