we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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