my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
