So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
