all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
