the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
