you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
