i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
