and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
