someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
