Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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