the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
