Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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