I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
