Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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