I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
