We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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