did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
