Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order