smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?