Texts From Last Night

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  (614): View more from Ohio

  how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.

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  (614): how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity. http://tfl.nu/zm0j
  Replies (19) Good night (4662) Bad night (1526)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  no one should ever give us hovercrafts

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  (847): no one should ever give us hovercrafts http://tfl.nu/uqn3
  Replies (25) Good night (4445) Bad night (699)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.

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  (580): I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off. http://tfl.nu/wwj4
  Replies (11) Good night (3595) Bad night (748)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.

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  (306): Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire. http://tfl.nu/uvyh
  Replies (10) Good night (3869) Bad night (1154)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out

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  (860): I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out http://tfl.nu/wth6
  Replies (4) Good night (822) Bad night (5349)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.

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  (910): He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn. http://tfl.nu/hrhg
  Replies (18) Good night (8286) Bad night (986)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.

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  (630): Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches. http://tfl.nu/xanx
  Replies (10) Good night (3409) Bad night (1182)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.

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  (775): At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive. http://tfl.nu/xg7u
  Replies (4) Good night (2536) Bad night (1357)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.

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  (254): she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared. http://tfl.nu/cseo
  Replies (9) Good night (3069) Bad night (963)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...

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  (970): He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree... http://tfl.nu/exvr
  Replies (8) Good night (2288) Bad night (718)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.

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  (423): She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21. http://tfl.nu/keb8
  Replies (6) Good night (4241) Bad night (706)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.

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  (907): Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza. http://tfl.nu/7qtg
  Replies (10) Good night (1127) Bad night (404)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity

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  (423): Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity http://tfl.nu/dliq
  Replies (2) Good night (811) Bad night (638)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.

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  (817): I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep. http://tfl.nu/tfur
  Replies (3) Good night (594) Bad night (532)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!

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  (306): he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!! http://tfl.nu/8dbb
  Replies (3) Good night (445) Bad night (291)

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