3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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