All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.