my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
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She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
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How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.