How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
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I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
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I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.