I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."