I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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