this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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