apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Drunk is not a location!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
