sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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