Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
