You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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