Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
