Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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