The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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