did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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