I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
