Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
