I'm jealous of your bromance
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
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my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
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KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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