I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
