If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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