A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
