if you like me you must not know who I am
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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