Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
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