I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
