You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
