3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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