he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
