I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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