I wanna bring you to show and tell
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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