i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
