my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
