I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
operation have a gay friend backfired
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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