i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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