Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just want nice things and good sex
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