I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize