I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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