dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
