Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
