whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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