let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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