Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
