Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she looked like the before picture.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
