literally had 100 drinks last night.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
