So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
