She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
