Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
