No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
