The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
