I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
