God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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