I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I supernannyed him into submission
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
