I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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