You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
