I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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