I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
