My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize