I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
