he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
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oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Blood and glitter go together right?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
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Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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