We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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