can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
