One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
