He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
