They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
