I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
