New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
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