he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
