yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Randomize
