..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm really into asian looking animals
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
