i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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