Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
