i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
