the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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