So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
