I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
