Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
