Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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